When Do You Hurt Others Due to Positive Words?


Image by jah~ back, not 100% via Flickr

Although I’m a big proponent of using positive words as much as possible, I know sometimes negative words are just as important.

Why do you think that is?

How did the term ‘Terrible Twos” come about? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, it regards children who are 2 years old. At that age children start to become somewhat independent. And they tend to do many things of which their parents and other adults disapprove.

When that occurs, they tell the child, emphatically, “No!” And the child hears “No!” over and over again as the days, weeks and months go by.

Those memories of hearing disapproval are embedded in the child’s mind where they most likely remain into their adulthood. For some people who unconsciously remember and feel the disapproval they heard as a child, I believe they crave approval.  So they do the opposite of what they felt when adults told them “No!”

They become “Yes” people. Anytime someone asks them for a favor, they quickly reply “Yes” or something like “Sure, I’ll be happy to do that.” They answer without considering possible consequences or priorities. And it’s not unusual for them to constantly stay busy with organizations and other commitments they make as volunteers.

When they over commit themselves, who suffers?

Are they so exhausted that they’re never at their best?

And does their exhaustion cause them to snap at their loved ones?

Do they spend enough time with their family and close friends?

Or do they neglect their loved ones to win the approval of as many people as they can?

How many people do they disappoint or hurt when they finally realize that they can’t do something they promised?

Have you ever had someone break a promise they made to you?

How did you feel when that happened?

Who do you know that fits the description I’ve given of a “Yes” person?

Is it you? Or someone you know?

Here’s the lesson. These are lyrics from my song, ‘The One Who Says No.’

Although the song was inspired and written several years ago after I heard Mike Kemski telling how he overcame drug addiction, some of the lyrics are quite apropos for this article:

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Just say no,
if it’s not good for you.
Just be strong.
To your own self be true.
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Are you in the habit of always saying “Yes” whenever someone asks you for a favor?

Do you automatically say “Yes” before giving the consequences any thought?

Will you really be able to do what you’ve promised without hurting or disappointing someone because you make too many commitments?

Remember to use positive words most of the time, but not when they’ll end up hurting someone.

Till next time…

Wishing you peace, love and happiness,

Joyce Marie
Founder, LessonsFromLyrics.com

P.S.  A few months ago when I was pet-sitting a cat, instead of saying “No!” when the cat misbehaved, I tried a more positive approach…It worked! I’ll tell you that story another time.

Instead of telling children “No!” when you disapprove of their behavior, what could you do instead that would have a more positive effect on their lives as children and later on as adults?

I think it’s time to make some changes in the way most children are raised. Don’t you?

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This post and lyrics are copyrighted. You are welcome to reblog or link to this post or to give a link to it, but may not otherwise use the contents of the post without written permission.
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25 Responses to “When Do You Hurt Others Due to Positive Words?”

  1. card data recovery Says:

    I think we need to be attentive and get assures first that what possible impacts must be arrived after telling anything to anyone. Selective, smart and kind words avoid you from hurting others.

    card data recovery

  2. samie Says:

    “Are you in the habit of always saying “Yes” whenever someone asks you for a favor?”

    this is my problem 🙁
    nice post joyce

  3. julie@Baby beanies Says:

    It is important to understand that sometimes doing someone a favor might not necessarily be doing them a favor. It is difficult to spot when you might be an enabler especially if you are being manipulated into it.

    Like the old saying goes. Teach a man to fish!

  4. Carlos@Used vehicle loan Says:

    This reminds me of parents. When they scold we feel hurt, but later in life we realize that those were positive words and helped us learn and grow. Now when I am a parent, i know how pure my own parent’s intentions were

  5. Gerry Evans@best merchant account Says:

    Yes, positive words do hurt at times. That is when somebody criticizes nicely or suggests or points out my mistake. I feel bad about having made a silly mistake and that others noted it! Great post Joyce 🙂

  6. Simon@affordable SEO Says:

    Positive words can hurt only temporarily, because soon we realize they are for our own good. And Gerry, it’s ok if people point your mistakes. To err is human after all!

  7. Joyce Says:

    Hi Julie, I believe many of us are guilty of being enablers. Thanks for your comment. Yes, teach a man to fish!

  8. Joyce Says:

    Hi Carlos, Isn’t it amazing how being a parent changes your view? Thanks for sharing!

  9. Joyce Says:

    Thank you, Gerry! With regard to your comment, here are my lyrics from Start A New Life:
    “Learn from mistakes you make.
    Repeat them not again.
    Get far away
    from where you’ve been!”

  10. Joyce Says:

    Good comment, Simon! Thanks!

  11. George Anderson@watches Says:

    Positive words hurt? To be honest, yes they can, at least to me! I guess it is the truth that hurts most. When my wife tells me I should consider making a change in myself, it does feel hurt that she wants a change. But at the end of the day, that change is good for me and its nice of her to let me know. It hurts a little, but soon it leaves the essence of my wife’s true love for me.

  12. Joey@sell watch long island Says:

    I hurt others with my positive words when I fail to frame them well. A single thought can be expressed in many ways. I guess I am bad at framing them in a way that does not hurt others.

  13. Joey@watch buyers long island Says:

    Positive words do not hurt. They only bring out a negative reaction and show us the mirror. I love those who criticize me, because my reaction tells me what kind of an attitude I have.

  14. Jim Boyd@review Says:

    Positive words can hurt. At times, we are not prepared to hear the truth that too from another person. In addition, we feel embarrassed that the other person has a particular opinion about us or that he noticed our weakness. We forget that its okay!

  15. London Accountants Says:

    One way to keep momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.

  16. George Anderson@Swiss Army Dive Says:

    I feel we must help people who are worth of it. When I help somebody, I don’t expect them to return me the favor or load me gifts, but just some kind words of gratitude as thank you. And as far as children are concerned, instead of a direct ‘no’, we can also tell them that they will get the things, but later. A straight no may sometimes be too harsh.

  17. Rizza@Parenting Website Says:

    When you feel hurt with those positive words, it only shows the truth about it. And @Gerry if people are looking for your negative deeds, let them do it. Because there are times that they see things about you that you can’t see. In johari window, it is called blind self or simply unknown to self.

  18. Joyce Says:

    I like what you wrote, George. Thanks for commenting!

  19. Joyce Says:

    Thanks for commenting, Joey. Words have such power, don’t they?

  20. Joyce Says:

    Thanks for your positive comment, Joey!

  21. Joyce Says:

    Hi Jim, thanks for your comment.

  22. Joyce Says:

    It’s really rewarding to help people who are worthy, isn’t it, George? Thanks for your comment.

  23. Joyce Says:

    Thank you for your words of wisdom, Rizza.

  24. Reynaldo Bisby Says:

    I have not checked in here for some time since I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are great quality so I guess I’ll add you back to my daily bloglist.You deserve it my friend 🙂

  25. Joyce Says:

    Thanks, Reynaldo!

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